Bull and China.

I am not typically a yeller. But sometimes my kindergartener pushes me to the brink. She is a lot like me. And I remember the same thing happening with my mom. I would push and push and push and finally she would break. Like a piece of glass. With shards everywhere.

I had already apologized. I had already said I was really sorry for yelling because it is not the right thing to do. I had already told her that as much as that was wrong not listening (six times to put on a coat) is not appropriate and to treat others the way you want to be treated (hypocrite yes. I see the irony.)

And then I read this.

Tears started flowing.  Chills ran down my spine.  The breath from my lungs was not attainable.  Fear.  Anxiety.  The list goes on.

Suddenly my perspective was crystal clear.  How lucky I am to have a kindergartener with opinions, aggravations and laughter.  How yelling (a small act of violence) is not acceptable and how who we are creates what our children become.  And the violence that they are exposed to (via games, movies, home, reality) is what desynthesizes them and somehow makes acts like this seem like an ok idea to act upon.

Being a mom is the best gift I have ever been given.  Along with it comes the most intense love that I can ever feel.  Thus, great vulnerability.

My heart goes out and I am praying for the parents of those sweet babies.  Precious babies that may have been expecting a gingerbread man post card today.  I am praying that they each of those families had those blissful mornings.  And none of them are having remorse about any of their actions today.  Because tonight begins a nightmare that will not end for those poor parents.

May peace be with each of you today.  Your pain is pain that no human should ever experience.

And if you are like me- and blessed with happy, vivacious children.  Hold them tight.  And love them.  And be who you want them to become.  Because we are blessed to ask six times for them to put a coat on.  Blessed beyond words.

GiGi (which we apparently can no longer call you in front of your friends. And we have to stop calling you Jane- which we never did),

Yesterday you turned six. We did so many of the things that we have done to celebrate each year of your birth- the sign, the special breakfast, signing, candle blowing, gift opening, and all that jazz. We did a few things that we don’t normally do- church, breakfast with Aunt Jenna, Uncle Eddie, and Kate, lots of phone calls and Sonic eating (gross- I hope this was a one-time thing).

Your birthday party will be less extravagantly customized to your personality and a week late. I didn’t get my act together. I am truly sorry.  I think I still have some tricks up my sleeve to make the “off the shelf” McDonald’s party the six year old event of the year. We shall see.

I adore you. I am typing this and my eyes are welling with tears. Tears of pride, excitement, sadness, guilt, love, the list just doesn’t end. You won’t understand until you become a mom yourself. There is no way to articulate just how much I love you.

In so many ways you are a mirror of me. Good and bad. But the bad in me manifests itself as unique, spunky, and awesome in you.

I have never been more scared then the day I found out I was pregnant with you. So many emotions that you and I will one day discuss. And the day that you were sent to the NICU I have never been more devastated and hollow of the thought of the unknown. We spent nearly two years in this territory and every day my love for you grew (and continues too). As I told you yesterday- I love you 2,190 times more than I did on that warm November day in Thousand Oaks, California. And probably more because some days my love for you quadruples. That formula is one that your dad will have to craft on Excel or something. The vulnerability that comes with loving someone as much as I love you is inexplicable. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to love like this. Because everyone should have the chance. And I get to do it with you, your brother, and your dad but you started it. Your presence in my life showed me that it was possible and how to do it. Thank you.

Right now you don’t really like toys. You like to imagine. You are either loving on babies or screaming at students or creating a store for Christmas shopping. You are an innovator. Nothing is used as it is “should be”- and I adore that about you. I will let you in on a little secret- I want nothing more in life than to show you how to break the correct rules and obey the necessary ones. I am still trying to figure out how to do that. That is my goal. Your potential is ridiculous. Most people don’t have an inkling of how smart you are. That is such a secret weapon. My sweet girl, I smile inside when you get sent home with “purple” for hugging. Because who wants to get “gold” when it means going without a hug. Much less a hug for someone that has had a bad day? Not me or you.

As much as I miss that sweet, soft newborn, the vivacious one year old, the conversational two year old, the sassy three year old, the defiant four year old, and the outspoken five year old and what I wouldn’t give for just a few more moments with each of those Gia’s I can only imagine how fantastic six is going to be. Because it means I will love you at least 365 times more than I do today. We all know it will be more.

I love you. For you. Please don’t ever lose your dedication to being you. That would be a tragedy to the world. Happy Birthday my heart. Gia.

Love, Mommy (Which I love that you still call me and hope that you never stop.)

That is a paper head dress.  For the Thanksgiving Feast today at school.  It is supposed to have craft jewels, craft feathers, etc.  Instead it has twine and construction paper feathers.

Now Mrs. M will be shaking her head that Gia and I did not follow directions.  But who wants to have exactly what the other kids have?

Yep.  Not anyone with Z blood.  Plus.  Have you seen the prices on craft feathers?  It is criminal.  Criminal, I tell you.

And I am watching this election like the rest of the world. Awaiting the answer. Like so many Americans, (though I apparently don’t know any of them) I will not be super happy regardless of the outcome of the election. And this gives me a heavy heart.

For a long time I was a die hard Republican. Then a raging liberal. And now, I sit somewhere in between. And completely unrepresented.

Not sure how many people know, but I have a degree in politics. I love it. The process. The democracy. The checks. The balances. The rights. The passion. The freedom. LOVE IT.

That said, I feel totally alone and on an island from my acquaintances, friends, relatives, etc. I just don’t understand the hate and venom that is spewed from both sides. And I don’t understand how both sides think anything will be accomplished by fronting a bi- partisan view while really never budging on an issue.

So here I stand. Listening to words that I would never want to hear come from the mouth of out of the brain of someone I love and care from- from both sides and feeling disappointed. Not because someone won and someone didn’t but because my friends, you are better than the awful words you shout from behind your status updates.

And we all deserve real policies that bring good. And that involves movement and negotiation.

Which my five year old will tell you- takes dialogue, understanding and ability to compromise on both sides. Maybe she should run for President. I will let her master raising her hand on the learning rug first.

Here’s to America.

We went to the best petting zoo in McKinney.  Maybe the best petting zoo in the DFW Metroplex.  Why?  Because it is two minutes from our house.  And empty.  And awesome.

Yesterday after school, I took the kids to the pumpkin patch by our house. This month (year really) has been a little chaotic and we had not had the opportunity to get there and I really didn’t want to miss it. For being so close, it was quite impressive.

The best part on going on Tuesday afternoon at 5p? No one is there. It is as if it is your own private place. Awesome. We bounced in bounce houses- which Luke normally has to sit out, rode ponies, went through the hay maze and of course the petting zoo. So much fun.

Here is a video of Luke’s delight at the petting zoo. Ignore the obnoxious woman in the background. 1- I have a cold and 2- I am apparently freaked out by chickens.

And all done in an hour.

Efficiency, efficiency.

A few weeks ago, we decided that we would have Gia’s soccer team over for a little Halloween party. Super low key. Costumes, so treats and time together. As so many times, things got away from me and I quickly realized that I was staring down the preverbial party gun and had done absolutely no prep. So, I do what I always do and run to the internet to fix it. And fast. Black cardboard, string, the Dollar Tree and some fresh flowers. Viola! Instant decor.

Since we had six little girls and a boy to follow them around we settled on some easy activities. Drawing on mini pumpkins, creating jack-o-lanterns, bobbing for apples, and playing soccer. Playing soccer and bobbing for apples won big time.


Sweet little “Belle” is such a tenacious soul. She must have tried fifteen times before getting the apple. And she was (as she should be) so proud of herself! The funny thing about bobbing for apples? It involves a lot of hair holding an guttural sounds. Things that are often found after college Halloween parties. Lots of entertainment for the adults.

All in all, it was a huge success. And we look forward to doing it again soon. We just love to have people over to celebrate.  Despite the below picture, everyone was happy the entire day and had a blast.  I just couldn’t get them to all look at the same time.  Happy Halloween!